My Well-Traveled Road of Disappointment

“Remember that time my BF offered to take me away for a weekend with friends because I didn’t have the money to go?

Yeah, me neither.”

So my friends are all headed to Baltimore for the weekend. Because I don’t have the money to go, I’m not.

I thought maybe the boyfriend was going to man-up and offer to take me away for the weekend (something he hasn’t done in the five years we’ve known each other). With wishful thinking, I requested a vacation day today. I coordinated a weekend trade of kid responsibilities with my Ex. But two weeks after our email exchanges discussing it, there has been no follow-up or offer from the boyfriend for me to go.

I don’t know why, but my disappointment is so overwhelming.

Our last email exchange about this trip was that he would “get back to me” about the questions I presented. He didn’t. And I don’t feel that it’s my place to remind him. Nor do I feel that I need to beg for someone who supposedly cares so deeply about me to do something nice for me.

So instead, I will be home all weekend, kid-free, feeling sorry for myself that I let myself be disappointed again.

Before you start thinking ‘well, if you wanted to go, you should pay for yourself.’ Yes, I know this. I do not expect, nor have I ever expected, a man to fund my fun. As I stated before, I have paid my way over the past five years. I have never been comfortable with letting someone pay for me.

I don’t expect anything from others that I wouldn’t do myself.

I’m hoping that I can channel my tears and frustration into a cleaning frenzy so this vacation day and kid-free weekend isn’t a total waste. The weather is supposed to be beautiful, so I’m hoping to be able to take the bike to the trails, clear my head, and get some exercise.

It doesn’t matter how much you care about a person, it doesn’t turn them into the person you wish they could be.

UPDATE: I wake up Saturday morning to an email “This trip would be more fun with you.” So I reply that I’m not there because of him. I forward the unanswered questions email to him. His reply: ”I thought we had a conversation about that.” Another reply indicates that he needs to quit having conversations in his head with me because I can’t hear them. No kidding! Boys R Dumb!

College Visit!

Holy crap!

If you’re a frequent visitor, you might know that Vampire Boy is a senior in high school. He is interested in continuing his education and has been working with his dad on college applications. Dad had a good idea — let him apply to colleges within a reasonable driving distance, see where he gets accepted, and then visit those campuses for him to decide where he wants to go.

We had our first college visit this past weekend! As a family unit!

Some background: Dad and I separated in March 2001 with our divorce being final in February 2006 (finally!). It was not a pretty separation thanks to child support issues. Things have been decent on and off over the past five years and I like that we finally seem to be able to have a decent divorced relationship.

Dad and Vampire Boy worked on applications and acceptances started coming in. OK, time to look at the Open House schedules and plan a campus visit.  Dad invited me to come along (I had planned on going whether I was invited or not and driving myself if I had to!) and offered for me to ride along with them. Other than the hours we spent sitting on separate sides of the Family Division waiting room, it would be the first time we spent such a substantial part of the day together with the kids.

First visit was this past weekend. Dad picked us up at 6:45 AM for our hour drive. I was worried things would be a little weird, but we got along just fine. We talked and joked around in the car as I presume a ‘normal’ family would. We sat as a family in each of the informational sessions. We went on a campus tour. We checked out the residence halls. We visited the Science building and spoke to one of the chemistry faculty. At one point, we both leaned around from our auditorium seats to look at Vampire Boy when they were explaining that all communication is sent to his University mailbox — his ID was included in his acceptance letter — a mailbox he NEVER looked at! (This makes more sense when I explain that we went to his Open House blindly. He had registered, but did not receive any email or postal mail confirmation of his attendance, and I didn’t think about it until he received a packet from another school confirming his attendance.)

We all loved the campus. We liked the fact that it’s a smaller campus within a reasonable driving distance. We liked the chemistry department and faculty. We liked the student to teacher ratio within the chemistry department (his interest for now). He came away from this Open House knowing that this is where he wants to go to school. I’m trying to encourage him to visit at least one more, but  the next Open House is at a larger campus and he is adamant he likes the smaller campus. I don’t think I’m going to win the battle to get him to look any other campuses. I’m ok with that since I did the same exact thing when visiting business schools for myself many (many, many) years ago.

Holy shit, my ‘baby’ is looking forward to going off to college in the Fall.

New Science Hall

Are You With The Right Partner?

This seems to be making the rounds on Facebook and I’m saving it here so I can come back and re-read as needed.

Are you with the right partner?

Are you with the right partner?

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind
replied the author.

Here’s the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! ♥

[NOTE:  The author/speaker is not identified in the FB posts, therefore, I cannot provide the appropriate citation for them.]

Money Mash Up 4/8

Money Mash Up 4/8.  Hosted by simply stacia.  A weekly series dedicated to keeping us on track with our spending, giving, and  goal setting during the week and learning to find low cost and/or “free” things to do in our spare time.  Details below if you’d like to use on your blog

1.  The most money I’ve spent last week was for my summer pool pass for me and Social Diva for $122.40. My local municipal pool offers a 20% discount for passes purchased in the month of March. This expense covers the majority of my weekend entertainment on the sunny days.

2.  A low-cost or free thing I did this past week was to meet my friends out for a few drinks on Saturday night. An order of fries and three adult beverages only cost me $16 with a generous tip. It’s been a while since I’ve had a nice night out with friends and this was definitely needed!

3.  The one thing I did for another was pack up at least 5 bags of clothes to donate to the VA Vets Association. I have another bag going to my sister for her kids and step-kids.

4.  One goal that I have and will do this week is to get seeds planted for tomato plants and flowers. I usually spend $100 or so for flowers and tomato plants and then the deer end up eating them. Now that it’s again the law for the neighbor to feed the deer, I’m hoping my plants will have a chance!

5.  What is your favorite city in the United States? Sadly, I haven’t visited too many US cities. I love Hilton Head for vacation. I also recently visited New Orleans, and I’m looking forward to visiting again this November for a conference I’m coordinating. Once Social Diva graduates from high school, I’d love to entertain the thought of moving south.

That’s it for my week. How was yours?

Weird Dream

So Friday morning, just before my alarm is set to go off at 5:45 AM, I’m having a dream (a partial nightmare, actually!).

In this dream, I am out somewhere (I think I was traveling) with my HUSBAND, and my NEWBORN BABY, and I was walking my cat on a leash.

WHAT

THE

HELL?

The husband in the dream was a sports celebrity; not someone I have ever met in person, nor someone I would even care to meet.

I think I am well past the ‘having a baby’ phase of my life. My kids are 18 and 12 which makes me old enough to not really have to worry about having any more kids, plus I believe in birth control to avoid any babies.

The cat is only true thing currently in my day to day life. I have often missed having a dog to walk on these Spring teaser days. I often joke that Batman acts like a dog sometimes. He greets me at the door. He likes to share my dinner. He sleeps tucked against my legs. But I highly doubt that he would allow me to walk him on a leash.

Doing my own dream interpretation, I had applied for a part-time job Thursday evening. I had read @UncleCrappy’s post about someone who had a baby earlier in the week. And I’m guessing Batman was probably snuggling me as he typically does close to alarm time.

Hopefully, the events of the prior day is what prompted that type of dream so close to alarm time!

The 180* Day

It was not a happy first day of Spring!

If you happen to follow me on Twitter, you may have seen some tweets that I started having car issues last week (well, really, starting back in January). Some back story, I start having stalling issues mid-January. I take my car to my garage for them to look it over and inspect it. This visit finds that I need my PVC valve/hose (or something like this) has disintegrated. The garage owner calls to give me this good news and also shares that my car will pass inspection with new front brake pads. $400 later, I can pick up my car the next day.

I get to drive my car for barely 24 hours before the next Car Incident of 2013. Wednesday evenings I have to pick up my daughter and her friend from a church program. On our way home, I stop at a yellow light and am rear-ended, pretty hard. We’re all a little shaken up but no major injuries to us. My car, however, doesn’t look so great. After talking with my insurance company, I call Mr. Rear-Ender’s insurance company to report the accident. [I don't want this accident on MY clean driving record, nor do I want to shell out a $500 deductible.]  It takes a week for me to finally get an appointment for his company’s adjuster to evaluate my car. By this time, we’re at the end of January, but my car is finally approved for repair at the collision center and I am given a rental to drive.

Mid-February, I hear from the collision center that my car probably won’t be done until near the end of February. However, I have plans to leave town for my The Rock Boat vacation. The insurance adjuster assures me that the rental will be covered while I’m gone and that I can check in with the collision center upon my return.

Moving forward to March. I’m finally back in my own car. I’m still a little anxious when I see someone’s hood so close in my rear view mirror. Then the weird thing starts happening. The car seems to run fine when I’m driving, but once I pull into a parking spot and/or my garage, the car stalls. So back to the garage we go!

This is where the fun starts. I make arrangements to take my car back to the garage on Wednesday (this week). This involves dropping the car at the garage and then walking a mile (uphill, both ways, in bare feet, in 2 feet of snow, get off my lawn) to get to the trolley stop (keep in mind the morning temps are <32*). As I am walking to the tracks, a trolley is there. The lovely driver actually waits, waves me to cross, AND opens the door so I can get on her train. Now that I have purchased a replacement battery for my phone, I was able to listen to the awesome new Justin Timberlake CD, play five rounds of Candy Crush, and scroll my twitter and facebook timelines and still have battery life!

Wednesday is also Daffodil Day, and one of our department physicians always buys us a bouquet of daffodils. Flowers = Sweet! Said doctor mentions that his wife forgot to pack his lunch for the day. I offer that I am considering a walk to Chipotle to pick up my lunch, would he like something? He thinks that is a great idea and offers to buy my lunch. Chipotle + Free Lunch = Sweet #2! Finally, after 3 PM, the garage calls. He’s looked over my car and there’s nothing wrong with it. He says that since the battery was disconnected, the car needs to ‘relearn’ the proper idle rate. The car is ready for pick up AND there’s no charge for the visit. No problems + No charge = Sweet #3!!! As stressed as I am about finances this month, I almost burst into tears at the good news!

And then … the universe spins!

I have to catch a bus into Downtown to catch the trolley. When two buses show up, I usually hop on the second bus as everyone usually rushes the first one. I saw that the second bus started with a 7 — and that’s all I saw. It wasn’t until a few blocks later when we were in the opposite lane than we should have been in that I noticed that I was on the WRONG bus. Wrong bus = Blerg! Ok, so I’ll get off at the next stop across the bridge and do so. I start walking and checking google maps to see if there will be a bus going by in the near future. The next bus isn’t until 4:53 (and it’s 4:30), so I decide to walk from one end of Carson Street (at the Birmingham Bridge) to Station Square (a good 1.65 mile hike. Yes, I tracked it!)

Once I arrive at Station Square, I only have a wait a few minutes for a Blue Line trolley. I’m actually able to get a seat thanks to a nice young gentleman who decided to stand instead of sit. I grab the seat, I’m plugged in listening to Justin, playing Candy Crush, and reading my timelines. I don’t notice anything different about this trolley until the stop where it announces that it does not serve Library (which I need) but goes to South Hills Village (not what I need). Wrong trolley = Blerg #2! I quickly hop off as the doors are closing and have to wait five minutes for the right trolley. A few minutes later, I’m at my trolley stop and ready to hike the mile back to the garage (uphill, both ways, in bare feet, in 2 feet of snow, get off my lawn). I hop in my car and drive home (and stop for a fast food dinner) with no incidents!

And then, the highlight of my evening. Vampire Boy mentions that he needs poster board for a school project that is due on Friday. I have to pick up Social Diva from her church program at 8, so we plan to leave the house early enough to stop at Dollar General on our way. We come out of Dollar General, I turn the key, and all I hear is click, click, click, click. WTF?!!? Dead battery = Blerg #3!!!

So there’s a novel (thank for hanging in there) on how my day started out with sunshine and daisies, and then turned into clouds and snowflakes!

PS: I had to call Social Diva’s dad to pick her up at the church, and finally used my AAA membership to come help me. AAA sent a truck to check my battery, jump it, and then sell me a new one (which I’m sure I could have gotten cheaper at Advance Auto myself).

Money Mash Up — 2/11

money mash up – 2/11Hosted by simply stacia.

1.  The most money I’ve spent last week was for my Miami hotel room pre-cruise and birthday related expenses for Vampire Boy. Thanks to last weekend’s snowy weather, we didn’t get out for his birthday dinner, but we made it out this past weekend when the weather was a little more cooperative.

2.  A low-cost or free thing I did this past week was staying in again for the weekend. I feel like such a hermit, but limiting my social activities really saves money.

3.  The one thing I did for another was volunteer as a gift wrapper for the Western PA Humane Society this past weekend. Not surprisingly with Valentine’s Day three days away, our shift was slow. There are lots of last minute shoppers out there!

4.  Something I really need to accomplish this week is to get my work and work area organized before I leave for vacation in twelve days!

5.  Valentine’s Day!!!  What are you doing? Honestly, I have no plans for Valentine’s Day (and hope to keep it that way).

Holy Crap!

Holy Crap!

At this time 18 years ago, I was at the hospital hooked up to Pitocin awaiting the arrival of my first bundle of joy. This weekend is similar to the weekend so many years ago — it’s cold, blustery, and snowing!

We’ve weathered a lot of changes over the years. While our “family” is not what I envisioned so many years ago, we have adjusted and compromised along the way. As a Mom, I’ve survived his transition through elementary school, middle school, and now high school. I’ve watched him grow from a quiet and shy child to one who is slowly emerging from his shell and deciding what he wants for his future. With only a little over four months to go of high school, he knows he wants to continue his education, which is a relief to both of his parents.

While his father and I have been fairly permissive parents, I am thankful that we made it through the teen years without any alcohol, drug, or defiance problems (which I think is outstanding for a split family). That’s not to say we haven’t butted heads along the way, but at the end of the day, I have been blessed with a very handsome, very polite young man.

So Happy 18th Birthday, Vampire Boy!

Happy Birthday!

Money Mash Up – 1/28

money mash up – 1/28Hosted by simply stacia.

1.  The most money I’ve spent last week was $384 for car repairs and inspection. Ouch. Merry Christmas to me. [This doesn't include the damage caused when I was rear-ended on Wednesday evening. I'm still waiting to hear from an adjuster for this.]

2.  A low-cost or free thing I did this past week was stay home again this past weekend. Of course, the car accident and kids here for the weekend also contributed to my staying in.

3.  The one thing I did for another was gave up my seat on the T (subway) for a woman and her young child. During this week of taking public transportation, it amazes me how selfish people are. If you’re young, give up your seat to someone who needs it. It’s common sense and common courtesy. Show some manners!

Also, after Friday evening’s snow (and 2-1/2 hour commute via public transportation), I came home to sidewalks and driveway still needing to be shoveled (thanks for nothing, kids!). So after cleaning my public sidewalk, I also helped my Friendly Neighbor clear her driveway. Can these good deeds chase away the black cloud that’s been hovering around me?

4.  Something I really need to accomplish this week is to get in touch with Mr. Rear-Ended Me’s insurance company. I reported the accident to his company and was surprised that he hadn’t reported the accident yet. An adjuster was supposed to call me on Friday, but with the horrible weather in the area, I’m not surprised that I didn’t get a call. This is first on my agenda when I get to work on Tuesday!

5.  Life insurance.  Do you have it?  Why or why not?  I have an extra policy through work (separate of the coverage that they provide) and I think it’s for $180K? I figured the coverage of my salary (employer provided) plus this extra would be enough for the kids to pay off my outstanding debt, yet leave them enough to get on their feet.

How has your week been?

When It Rains …

… it effing pours!

I am not a fan of January. I’m one of those people who drive themselves crazy via baking frenzy and trying to make Christmas enjoyable for everyone else. While I’m relieved when the holidays are over, January is not a fun month. We’re only three weeks into it this year, and I’m ready to hang up the towel with this year.

To add to the typical January funk, my car was starting to act up by running rough. Ok, fine, I’ll ask my stepdad to help with a tune up. I learned how to change my spark plugs and wires. Once the job was done, the engine still idled rough and wanted to stall while idling at traffic lights. On my way to the dentist on Monday, the car stalled twice so I rerouted back home, cancelled our dentist appointments, and called the mechanic for an appointment. Twenty-four hours later with a PVC valve hose replacement, new front brake pads, an inspection and resultant lighter wallet, I was happy to pick up my car and bring him home. While I enjoyed my T/bus commute to work for a week (really enjoyed being able to read again!) letting someone else fight the traffic, I was happy to drive myself again this morning.

Fast forward to 8 PM tonight. Social Diva and her friend need a ride home from a church group function. No problem, I can pick the girls up. Little did I know that the Universe was going to slap me again.

On our way home, I stopped at a yellow light at a fairly busy intersection. The problem with my stopping is that the car behind me did not stop and rammed right into us, pushing my car into the intersection. After a brief moment of “Holy Shit, Is Everyone OK?!”, I  take a right to pull over so we can exchange information. I check with the girls that they’re ok (they were/are). I check with the other driver. He bumped his head, but he thinks he’s ok.  We exchange information, confirm again that everyone is ok, cars are drive-able, and we both leave.

I come home and call my insurance company to report the accident. The Ex recommends filing a police report, but the local PD says they would just help facilitate the insurance exchange (which we had already done). Social Diva’s friend isn’t sure if she feels well, so her dad leaves work to pick her up and have her looked over.

I’m still waiting for my pulse to slow down and my hands to quit shaking. I’ve been in two accidents before when I was a teen (which was a lonnnnng time ago) but it was just with the car I was driving and didn’t involve any other cars/drivers. I have never been hit before, and certainly never rear-ended. I keep wondering what the hell I’ve done to upset my karma and how soon (and how quickly) can I get rid of this black cloud of doom that seems to be looming overhead?

So, Universe? I’m done. Pretty please (with sugar on top), no more.

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